O Come Let Us Adore Him.....

It wasn't our best Sunday ever. In fact, it started out pretty crappy.

 

I don't really know all the reasons why I was in the low state, but there I was. We showed up at church late and tired. It took us a little while to get everyone ready in our current state of one bathroom and I only had time to throw my hair up in a loose pony tail and put on some jeans. I'm not one who likes being late anywhere but today I was just glad we made it. There have been other busy Sundays in our family when we chose to stay home instead of connecting with church and I've always regretted it. So this morning I wanted to go and no matter how and when we get there, I hoped it would make a difference.

 

Fortunately we found a parking spot right out front and as we rushed in, we could hear the voices inside singing "Go Tell It On the Mountain".  I smiled as I thought about this country church we had just connected with. I remember that song growing up and it brought good memories back. I walked up the stairs to the sanctuary feeling a little off but we were blessed by a friend who warmly greeted us at the door. We sat in the back pew and tried to shift gears quickly from our rush of the morning to the worship that was beginning. This was a morning where I would be in huge receiving mode. I just wanted to drink in the service and prayed for a change of heart from the tired and low mood I was experiencing. Christmas was harder than I anticipated this year. We had made our move and overall I've been amazed and proud of our little family how we have flowed with all the change. But this would be our first Christmas far from any family and Christmas was always a big deal at our house. The recent tragic loss of life and fears we as a nation have journeyed through also made me feel far from so much of the familial.

So there I was... doing my best to lead out in our family the joy of the season and found myself not doing a great job. Our friend who leads worship then began leading the church in "O Come All Ye Faithful". As I was mentally and emotionally trying to shift gears, we came to the chorus, "O come let us adore Him."

O come. Come. Adore Him. ADORE Him. Him. Jesus.

I grabbed my kids' hands with one hand and put my other arm over Cosette's shoulder. Time stopped as I stayed with that chorus in my heart.

O come let us adore Him.

I imagined the little baby in the manger. The reason we sing. Why we gather and give this season. Why the world changes its tune from Thanksgiving to December 25th. I am one of the reasons why He came. This morning I was painfully aware of all that I wasn't. I was acutely in tune with my weakness and struggle. Sadness and loss. Sin and brokenness. This little baby we were singing about came for all of it. For all of us. For the places in all of us that feels there has to be more. For the grief and regrets.  For this crazy, irrational, unjust world that is capable of great evil. He came.

"O come let us adore Him", the song beckons.

I felt my heart breaking and softening again because of that great truth. And I was thankful.

We have a lot of fun things planned to live these next couple of days with joy. But today I am grateful that I was seized again by the baby in the manger. Seized by the Love that sent Him. Grateful for grace and do-overs.

I wish I could write that the rest of the day was stress free and perfect but it wasn't. But that's not the point I got that morning from the Spirit of Love. This morning, God by His love met me in MY reality which changed because of THE reality that Love has come.

For unto us a Child is born.
A Son is given.
And He shall be called,
Wonderful.
Counselor.
The Mighty God.
The Everlasting Father.

The Prince of Peace.

It is for this reason I wish the world "Merry Christmas".

 

A Time for Mourning....

The sun rose again this morning. Here in rural Ryder, ND, the frost is covering everything leaving behind this white, feathery beauty admist the sunny ice blue sky.

 

The sun rose again yet the world has changed... again.

 

This afternoon we are attending the funeral of a previous co-worker of Matt's who took his life late Monday evening. He is leaving behind his wife and 2 of his kids are classmates of my children.

 

Yesterday morning the entire country went sent into shock and grief and was left speechless by the senseless slaying of 27 innocent people including 20 children. Children. I can barely write the words without my stomach turning in response to the reality.

 

Tuesday and Wednesday of this past week my kids' school was put into lock down because five juvenile detainees had assaulted a correctional officer and escaped from Bismark to somewhere in ND, later found in Fargo and Minot.

 

This all after the shooting in the Oregon mall as people were just out trying to make the most of the Christmas season.

 

And this morning I heard of a shooting at the Excalibur in Las Vegas, not 15 minutes from where we used to live as a man shot a concierge and then took his life.

 

I am a mix of emotions and responses today. I am weary of the pain and evil that has surrounded all of us. I am angry by the senseless of it all. I am deeply deeply sad. I am disgusted by the way that some are taking all of this for a platform for their own agenda gain thus clouding the opportunity for REAL discussion for REAL change for the good of this society. I am depressed by it all.

 

Yet I must get up and live today. I listened to as much as I could of the unfolding new reports out of Newtown, CT. Then the kids woke and we turned the TV to a rerun of Miracle on 34th Street. We have not yet told them about the shooting and to be honest, not sure if we will. Some may disagree but do I put a thought into their minds that isn't there right now and put an inkling of fear about going to school? I just don't think I do right now.

 

So we made breakfast together and enjoyed a lazy Saturday morning together as I held my feelings in check.

 

For so many, like my friend who is now preparing to go to her husband's funeral and 27 homes in Connecticut who woke up without a precious child or loved one there anymore today, the world has changed. Turned upside down and inside out without explanation or sense.

 

Tomorrow we must move from this place and find our next steps as communities and as a nation. Tomorrow we must respond to this mess with wisdom and action and good. Tomorrow we must go on.

 

Today we mourn.

 

One Month Later.....

I wrote this right before Thanksgiving......:-)

Weather report - Sunny with highs in the mid 40's. Mild weather throughout the Thanksgiving weekend. :-)

It's been just over a month since we jumped into our overpacked U-Haul and Yukon and headed north to our new home in Ryder, ND. As I sit here looking east throughout our living room plate glass window, I have a strange mixture of emotions and thoughts. Mostly, I have a sense of rest. I cannot believe it's only been a month since we have been there. And I cannot believe how much we have adapted and embraced our new community. More than a year ago, Matt brought us here to show us his work and we camped at the lake. I knew there was a possibility we may come and at the time it was unthinkable to me. Amazing to me what a year and a half can do in the heart and soul.

 

I've spent my life in church. First, a liturgical church in my childhood where I first learned about God, then a church plant turned mega church where I came to faith and was blessed with an incredible foundation, community and passion for the church, then moved to work at an urban transitioned church in the nation's most rapidly growing city and then a deep worshipful bible teaching church. Now God has led us to a church whose membership is more than the population of our town, filled with warm faithful families and led by a passionate couple led to North Dakota by faith. And all I can say is that it feels right for us right now.

 

Each day, a little bit more feels right and I am thankful, but strangely enough I am also fearful. I am fearful that I am changing as I don't recognize much of my old life. I am fearful that even as I enjoy the quiet of this new community, I am away in obscurity. The pace of my heart has slowed to a more balanced, kinder way and although I am thankful, I worry if I am escaping from the real demands and pressures of this world. It's very hard to explain and I haven't fully dissected it but those are the impressions of my heart right now.

 

I've committed myself to my kids' world to help them get settled and at peace about this new place we've been led to and I sit amazed at how they have gotten excited about bus rides and night searches for wild bunnies. Friendships have formed quickly. They have gone from a place of constant sunny skies and the coolest temps would run around 50 degrees to a place of snow, wind chills and long underwear and they have not skipped a beat. I'll be keeping my eyes and heart on them as these rapid changes may reveal themselves in other ways, but I'm proud of them and love them deeper and deeper each day.

So that's where we sit one month later.

Together.
Adjusting.
Welcomed.
Home.