I don't really know all the reasons why I was in the low state, but there I was. We showed up at church late and tired. It took us a little while to get everyone ready in our current state of one bathroom and I only had time to throw my hair up in a loose pony tail and put on some jeans. I'm not one who likes being late anywhere but today I was just glad we made it. There have been other busy Sundays in our family when we chose to stay home instead of connecting with church and I've always regretted it. So this morning I wanted to go and no matter how and when we get there, I hoped it would make a difference.
Fortunately we found a parking spot right out front and as we rushed in, we could hear the voices inside singing "Go Tell It On the Mountain". I smiled as I thought about this country church we had just connected with. I remember that song growing up and it brought good memories back. I walked up the stairs to the sanctuary feeling a little off but we were blessed by a friend who warmly greeted us at the door. We sat in the back pew and tried to shift gears quickly from our rush of the morning to the worship that was beginning. This was a morning where I would be in huge receiving mode. I just wanted to drink in the service and prayed for a change of heart from the tired and low mood I was experiencing. Christmas was harder than I anticipated this year. We had made our move and overall I've been amazed and proud of our little family how we have flowed with all the change. But this would be our first Christmas far from any family and Christmas was always a big deal at our house. The recent tragic loss of life and fears we as a nation have journeyed through also made me feel far from so much of the familial.
So there I was... doing my best to lead out in our family the joy of the season and found myself not doing a great job. Our friend who leads worship then began leading the church in "O Come All Ye Faithful". As I was mentally and emotionally trying to shift gears, we came to the chorus, "O come let us adore Him."
O come. Come. Adore Him. ADORE Him. Him. Jesus.
I grabbed my kids' hands with one hand and put my other arm over Cosette's shoulder. Time stopped as I stayed with that chorus in my heart.
O come let us adore Him.
I imagined the little baby in the manger. The reason we sing. Why we gather and give this season. Why the world changes its tune from Thanksgiving to December 25th. I am one of the reasons why He came. This morning I was painfully aware of all that I wasn't. I was acutely in tune with my weakness and struggle. Sadness and loss. Sin and brokenness. This little baby we were singing about came for all of it. For all of us. For the places in all of us that feels there has to be more. For the grief and regrets. For this crazy, irrational, unjust world that is capable of great evil. He came.
"O come let us adore Him", the song beckons.
I felt my heart breaking and softening again because of that great truth. And I was thankful.
We have a lot of fun things planned to live these next couple of days with joy. But today I am grateful that I was seized again by the baby in the manger. Seized by the Love that sent Him. Grateful for grace and do-overs.
I wish I could write that the rest of the day was stress free and perfect but it wasn't. But that's not the point I got that morning from the Spirit of Love. This morning, God by His love met me in MY reality which changed because of THE reality that Love has come.
For unto us a Child is born.
A Son is given.
And He shall be called,
Wonderful.
Counselor.
The Mighty God.
The Everlasting Father.
The Prince of Peace.
It is for this reason I wish the world "Merry Christmas".
So there I was... doing my best to lead out in our family the joy of the season and found myself not doing a great job. Our friend who leads worship then began leading the church in "O Come All Ye Faithful". As I was mentally and emotionally trying to shift gears, we came to the chorus, "O come let us adore Him."
O come. Come. Adore Him. ADORE Him. Him. Jesus.
I grabbed my kids' hands with one hand and put my other arm over Cosette's shoulder. Time stopped as I stayed with that chorus in my heart.
O come let us adore Him.
I imagined the little baby in the manger. The reason we sing. Why we gather and give this season. Why the world changes its tune from Thanksgiving to December 25th. I am one of the reasons why He came. This morning I was painfully aware of all that I wasn't. I was acutely in tune with my weakness and struggle. Sadness and loss. Sin and brokenness. This little baby we were singing about came for all of it. For all of us. For the places in all of us that feels there has to be more. For the grief and regrets. For this crazy, irrational, unjust world that is capable of great evil. He came.
"O come let us adore Him", the song beckons.
I felt my heart breaking and softening again because of that great truth. And I was thankful.
We have a lot of fun things planned to live these next couple of days with joy. But today I am grateful that I was seized again by the baby in the manger. Seized by the Love that sent Him. Grateful for grace and do-overs.
I wish I could write that the rest of the day was stress free and perfect but it wasn't. But that's not the point I got that morning from the Spirit of Love. This morning, God by His love met me in MY reality which changed because of THE reality that Love has come.
For unto us a Child is born.
A Son is given.
And He shall be called,
Wonderful.
Counselor.
The Mighty God.
The Everlasting Father.
The Prince of Peace.
It is for this reason I wish the world "Merry Christmas".
No comments:
Post a Comment